more dead than alive

I've been thinking about drugs lately...not taking drugs...but what a recurring theme they have been in my life. Especially considering that I have never been a drug user. I have watched while people that I loved destroyed themselves with drugs and drink. It is so painful and you feel so powerless...then you just feel angry. Angry because these people are pissing their lives away...because in my experience they are amazing, interesting, talented people full of potential. One of the most painful things you can ever experience is loving an addict.

It is also really confusing to me...if you are already dissatisfied with your life and have a desire to numb yourself...why use something that you KNOW is going to fuck up your situation even more. This might sound harsh but if you wanna die...blow your brains out...don't choose the wimpy long-term suicide plan. If you want to live then get your shit together and start making changes. Becoming an addict is like choosing to live in some kinda fucked up limbo...and drag other people with you...emotionally. It is a heartbreaking thing to watch. It's not sexy or cool...it's fucking boring and predictable...and it's always the same...

Golden Brown - The Stranglers